Archives: Shayas Stickles

Avoiding Depression

When Rivka passed a place where idols were worshiped, she felt the fetus inside of her pushing to get out. Rivka was very perturbed and exclaimed, ‘if so, why is this I’ [or ‘why is this my I’]. What does this mean?
I suggest the following.
Rivka had defined herself as a woman trying to bring children into the world to serve Hashem. That was her zich, her ‘I’, and hence she was very distraught and exclaimed, ‘what is the point of my ‘self’ if this child is going to be wicked?’

In life when we set out to achieve a goal, all too often we want that goal to define us. Whether it is in the business world of wanting to be a successful doctor and the like, or in the spiritual realm of wanting to be a certain personality and figure, or trying to overcome a bad midah, we want that to be our crown jewel and accomplishment.
The problem with that is… if we aren’t successful. We then feel very depressed and unmotivated.
A key to living a meaningful and successful life is not to put all the eggs in one basket. We shouldn’t have one specific area that defines us. We should try to shine in many different areas. That way if we aren’t successful in one of them, we can find meaning and happiness in others.
This, I suggest, is what was going on with Rivka. She defined a large part of her ‘self’ by having good kids and was thus very saddened when she passed the idol worship house.The rest of the Pasuk was her way of coping with it. It states she went ‘Lidrosh Es Hashem’. Doreish means to seek out, so perhaps it means she went to find other ways to seek out, connect to, and emulate Hashem, so that those accomplishments would give her meaning even if her child wouldn’t!

May we all take this lesson to heart, to have many talents, goals, and aspirations to help define ourselves. This way when some don’t materialize, we will find solace and meaning in the rest of our achievements.

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All or Nothing?

Quite frequently, we will bump into an individual whom at one point of time was at an extremely spiritual level and then fell into the depths of depravity. On the flip-side, and perhaps more commonly, we will meet people who formerly led very immoral lives, who do not merely change their habits for the good, but become extremely pious Jews.

What is the meaning of this phenomenon?

There are many parallels between Moshe Rabbeinu and Noach. Both were placed in a Teiva. Additionally, both of them were saved them from water! Chazal compare and contrast the Teiva of Moshe and the Teiva of Noach. Noach spent 120 years building the Teiva, Moshe lived for 120 years. Moshe went up to get the Torah-which is compared to rain-for forty days and nights, in Noach’s lifetime it rained at the beginning of the Mabul for forty days and nights…! In fact the Arizal writes that Moshe had the same root Neshama as Noach!

What is the meaning of all this?

The Zohar teaches that the generation of Noach had the potential to be the generation that received the Torah. They failed miserably, and were thus wiped out with waters of destruction, as opposed to receiving the beautiful Torah which metaphysically is life sustaining water [this is a powerful lesson in the difference between Moshe and Noach, but I am mentioning it to bring out another point {in addition to sharing these beautiful Torah parallels I heard from Rav Yona Sklare.}]

We see again a concept of people who failed, but not just failed, but failed miserably, so miserably that they destroyed the world with their base actions. And yet these people had the potential to receive the Torah! What is the meaning of all of this?

I think the understanding is that at times, you will come across a person with a very deep neshama & psyche, and hence he NEEDS to have a deep connection to SOMETHING. Hence, you can have a person who is so deeply spiritual but the Yetzer Hara gets him to not have satisfaction in Torah life and he therefore seeks elsewhere to find satisfaction. But for him, a beer and a cheeseburger is not going to do the trick since he has a deep soul and psyche, and hence he needs to find a deep connection out there. Therefore he is going to fall fast and deep….

Likewise, you can have the opposite phenomenon. You can have a person born secular or exposed to secular values and was living an immoral life, but since he has a deep neshama, his psyche doesn’t find true meaning there and he eventually finds his way to an authentic Torah lifestyle. But due to his deeply-rooted neshama, he will not be satisfied with the average mediocre orthodox life, and rather he will throw himself in full force trying to truly connect to Hashem by doing all the Mitzvos with feelings.

Hence, the generation of Noach who had such great neshamos had the potential to receive the Torah but when they failed they failed miserably….

May we all take a lesson from this, firstly, to never judge someone who went off the derech as we never know what they were going through or dealing with, and to never look down at our secular Jewish brethren who are living very immoral lives as very soon they may be keeping the Torah and Mitzvos on a higher spiritual level than ourselves…

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A Key to Success

On each of the six days of creation [with the exception of the second day, see the commentaries as to why,] the Torah says “and G-d saw that it was good.” However, at the end of sixth day, the passuk says “And G-d saw all that he had made and behold it was VERY good.” What is the reason for this discrepancy?

G-d did not create everything at once; rather, he made the world and it’s inhabitants gradually, and after each day, he was happy with what he created. But at the end of the week, G-d LOOKED BACK at the WHOLE week of creation, and G-d saw all that he made and it was very good.

Perhaps the Torah is teaching us an important psychological lesson.

When one embarks on a goal, like overcoming an addiction or working on a character trait, it takes time to make significant progress. Every day you work at it and make some progress, but it is slow. An important key to success is to take the opportunity after time has passed [a week, a month…], to look back at all that you have done, and then you will realize that you have truly accomplished a LOT. That will give you the inspiration to keep pushing forward to the ultimate success.

[Editor’s Note: As I was reviewing Shaya’s Dvar Torah, it struck me that this is a perfect lesson for us. We have just finished the Yom Tov of Succos, which is followed by Simchas Torah. Simchas Torah is the completion of the reading of the Torah which was read Parsha by Parsha starting with this week’s Parsha. I once heard that one reason why Isru Chag is so special is because it is a day to reflect on what we gained from the past Yom Yov and what we will take with us for the coming year. We have almost finished a month filled with uplifting Yomim Tovim. Let us take the time now to reflect on what we have gained from this past Yom Tov and try to renew our Kaballas that we took on in the beginning of the month; and through that, we will be zoche to greet Moshiach in our days!]

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Breaking Bad Habits
The Gemara in Avodah Zarah tells us that in the future, Hashem will give the Goyim one last chance at preforming a Mitzva. He will give them the mitzvah of Succah. They will build their Succos. Hashem will then make the sun beat down on them, and they will all kick their Succos and leave. Thus, they will blow their last chance to do teshuva. [Of course we also leave if it’s boiling hot, but the Goyim’s sin is that they will kick their Succos when they leave.]

A question that bothered me was, why does the Gemara say that ALL of the Goyim will kick their Succos? Any Goy who knows this Gemara [and nowadays Gemara is very easily accessible in many languages] should be prepared to make sure not to kick their Succa when they leave, in order not to blow their very LAST chance at fulfilling a Mitzva and gaining Olam Haba.

Perhaps this Gemara is teaching us a very profound psychological lesson. Very often, people fall into bad habits, and they know full well that they are making huge mistakes, [improper relationships, drugs, smoking, anger, overeating …], yet they can’t break their habits, and they continue to ruin and destroy their lives.
This may be the explanation for the Goyim. They are so steeped in their terrible Midos and habits [with the exception of course of Chaseedei oomos ha’olam], that even though they know there will be ENORMOUS ramifications, they still won’t break out of their bad Midos and they will fail the test.

[The Steipler says a similar idea by the plague of frogs in Egypt. Rashi learns that all of the frogs came from only one frog, just the Egyptians kept hitting it and every time they hit it, it would multiply. The Steipler asks, “didn’t the Egyptians learn their lesson after hitting the frog a few times that continuing this action would prove to be counterproductive? If so, why didn’t they stop?” The Steiplers explains the same idea. Even though the Egyptians knew that the effects would be terrible, but they were so angry that they couldn’t control themselves.] This is the lesson of anger and all bad Midos. If you let them get the better of you, they will control you and absolutely ruin your life.
So how do we break our bad Midos & habits?
Chazal explain, ‘all beginnings are difficult.’ I think this definitely applies to breaking bad Midos and habits. In the beginning, it can be VERY difficult, but if you persist at it SLOWLY BUT SURELY when it’s tough, it will gradually become easier and easier. And then just like when one falls into a bad habit, it’s so hard to ‘kick out of it,’ so too, with good midos when we get accustomed to doing the right thing, it becomes second nature to maintain those good habits, and it allows us live much happier productive lives!

Hatzlacha Raba & Chag Kosher Visomeiach!

Succos 5778

The seven days of Sukkos correspond to the seven Ushpizin: Avraham, Yitzchak, Yaakov, Moshe, Aharon, Yosef, & Dovid. Each of these Ushpizin personify one of the following seven Midos (attributes, and in this particular sequence): Chesed, Gevurah, Tiferes, Netzach, Hod, Yesod, & Malchus. I believe that when we welcome the Ushpizin into our Sukka each night, we should try to focus on that night and day’s Ushpiza’s midah, ensuring that he will truly feel welcome in our Sukka.

DAY 1

Avraham represents Chesed, kindness, which if used properly, makes one be kind and caring to others. The Medrash says that Hashem told Avraham, ‘bicha chosmin’ ‘with you I will finish’. There are a number of explanations for what this means.

In Ikvesa Dimashicha [the last period in Galus before Moshiach arrives], Klal Yisroel will be emulating the Midah of Avraham, i.e. the Midah of Chesed. Look around at all the beautiful organizations involved in Chesed that show how true this is; Vaad Harabonim, Kupat Hair, Mitzva Motivators!, Hatzala, Chaveirim, Shomrim, Bonei olam, Chofetz Chaim Heitage Foundation, Aish, Project Inspire, Bikur Cholim, and countless others along with askanim, and Gemachs for just about everything under the sun.

The Mishna in Avos says that the world stands on three things; Torah, Avodah, and Gemilas Chasadim. The Meforshim tell us that in regards to Torah, we are so far removed from the genuine Torah greatness of the Rishonim and surely of the Amoraim and Tanaim. In regard to the second pillar, Avodah-prayer, we are so far removed from the great Gedolim of just the past few hundred years and surely of generations before that. BUT the last pillar-CHESED- is something that even in this day and age, we can truly emulate. So Hashem told Avraham that Golus will end with his Mida.

By using the above explanation, the Gra answers the following question: Why at the end of Shemoneh Esray in the Yehi Ratzon do we only daven for the rebuilding of the Beis Hamikdash in order that we will be able to truly have a portion in Torah and Avodah, but we don’t daven that then we will be able to fulfill Chesed properly? The answer is that Chesed is something we are able to truly excel in even NOW, in Galus!

This explanation of the Mishna also answers a question that bothered me for a while.

We know that Torah corresponds to Yaakov Avinu, Avodah corresponds to Yitzchak Avinu, and Chesed corresponds to Avraham Avinu. So why is the Mishna in the wrong chronological order?

Maybe the answer is that since the midos of Yitzchak and Yaakov [Avodah and Torah] are midos that we are so far removed from, and only Avraham’s midah of Chesed is one that we can truly excel in, the Mishna put it last since Acharon Acharon Chaviv [the last is most precious]. Or in a different vein, the Mishna put the one that we can truly emulate last, in order that we can remember it to apply it to our daily lives.

2. Another explanation in ‘bicha chosmin’ is that in Ikvesa Dimashicha, the war[s] and tension will be between the descendants of Avraham’s two children i.e. Yitzchak and Yishmael. As we see taking place in our time, the radical Islamists like Iran, Hamas, and many others are terrorizing Yidden in Eretz Yisroel and across the world.

Perhaps we can put the two explanations about Ikvisa dimashicha together. Emulating the positive side of Avraham’s midah of Chesed, i.e. helping and loving OTHERS, and not Chas Vishalom the negative aspect of Chesed , i.e. indulging ONESELF in immorality, will give us the strength and ability to overcome these wicked descendants of Yishmael, and merit the coming of Moshiach.

May we all try on this first night of Sukkos to truly be warm, caring and kind people. May that help us neutralize the threat from Iran, and all the rest of the enemies of Klal Yisrael.

DAY 2

Yitzchak symbolizes the mida of Gevurah, which entails being very particular and careful in his relationship with G-d. Yitzchak corresponds to the Mitzva of Avodah [prayer], which is the connection between man and G-d. Yitzchak specialized in a direct and real relationship with Hashem. In fact, the Pasuk in Chayei Sarah says that Yitzchak went ‘lasuach bisadeh,’ to ‘talk to Hashem in the field.’ The root of this word, lasuach, is ‘seecha’, which generally refers to idle chatter. The Pasuk is teaching us that Yitzchak spoke with Hashem! That he had such a real direct relationship with Hashem that even his regular talk was with Hashem. This can explain why Rivka fell off the camel when she saw him in the field conversing with Hashem, as she was in awe to see someone who had such a genuine and direct relationship with Hashem. [I heard most of the above concerning Yitzchak from my dear friend Rav Yonah YITZCHAK Sklare!]

Perhaps this is why Mincha is the one tefila of the day where one can just begin Shemoneh Esray without any lengthy preparations. By both Shacharis and Maariv we have Kriyas Shema and Brachos before Shemoneh Esray, and we are forbidden to talk before starting Shemoneh Esray even to remind people to say Mashiv Haruach and the like. At Mincha, however, one is allowed to talk before starting Shemoneh Esray, and there is no lengthy preparation.

Why?

Perhaps because Mincha corresponds to Yitzchak Avinu, so at Mincha time, we can tap into Yitzchak’s strength of being so connected to Hashem that we can go straight into the tefila. We don’t need any introductions and Brachos to get us into the tefila mode, because as descendants of Yitzchak, we have his strength and ability at this time of day to enter straight into a conversation with Hashem!

May we all work today, the second day of Sukkos, in emulating Yitzchak in being very careful and exacting in our performance of Mitzvos, and try to develop a closer connection to Hashem via tefila, whether in our formal davening, or just talking to him throughout the day; thanking Him for all that he does for us, and asking for help in tough situations.
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Yom Kippur 5778

The Jewish people are compared to the moon. Just as the moon waxes and then wanes, (depending on the moon’s proximity to the sun), so too, we have our times of good fortune and happiness, as well as our times of being oppressed and subjugated, depending on our connection to Hashem.

Rav Yisroel Reisman asks, “why do we say Baruch Sheim out loud [i.e. that we are showing that we are like angels] on Yom Kippur night, after having eaten just an hour or two ago and are quite satiated; yet, on Motzai Yom Kippur, when we have just concluded Naeela, a full day of Kedusha, and we are still fasting, we don’t say Baruch Sheim out loud?

Rabbi Reisman explains that the reason lies within the direction we are going in. Yes, at the beginning of Yom Kippur, we may feel full, and feel like regular people, BUT we are heading in the right direction towards Tefila and Kedusha, towards a wonderful holy day. Therefore, we say Baruch Sheim out loud like the angels. Whereas on Motzai Yom Kippur, it is true we are still fasting, but we are diverting ourselves away from the Kedusha of Yom Kippur, and that is why we don’t say Baruch Sheim out loud.

With Rav Reisman’s thought, I think we can now understand the Halacha of Kiddush Levana as well. Even when the moon is hardly visible, we are allowed to say Kiddush Levana. Why?

When the moon grows larger, it is symbolic of our connection to Hashem. Whereas when the moon can easily be seen, even when it is mostly full, the Halacha is we cannot recite Kiddush Levana anymore. Why? Because it’s heading in the wrong direction, away from the sun, which symbolizes our distance from Hashem.

With this understanding, I think it makes a lot of sense why we wait until Motzai Yom Kippur to perform the Mitzva of Kiddush Levana. It symbolizes to us that although the holiness of Yom Kippur has ebbed away, in regards to the moon-which symbolizes our connection to Hashem, we are still heading up in the right direction. [Although the Mishna Berura gives a different reason as to why we wait to say Kiddush Levana till Motzai Yom Kippur, and therefore I can’t say for sure that the reason I suggested is an authentic reason for the Minhag, I think it is still something nice to keep in mind as we prepare to say Kiddush Levana for the very first time this year.]

Wishing everyone a Gemar Chasima Tova and a meaningful easy fast!

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New Resolutions

Rosh Hashanah is the Yom Hadin, a day Hashem judges us and determines what will happen during the upcoming year. It would stand to reason that the Tefillos would be replete with requests for forgiveness. However, there is no vidui in Rosh Hashana davening, and we wait until Yom Kippur to say vidui to atone for our sins. Why don’t we say vidui on Rosh Hashanah?
I once heard a beautiful parable which explains the reason for our not reciting vidui on Rosh Hashanah, as well as gives us a keen insight into the essence of Rosh Hashanah. [I don’t remember where I heard this mashal, so if anyone knows where it is, if you can kindly let me know; it would be appreciated. You can email me at zichronshaya@gmail.com].
An employer was “auditing” his employees to determine how productive they were. Upon receiving the results, the boss was enraged. He called in his secretary and said “How could you waste so many hours?! Over the last month alone you spent 14 hours on Facebook, surfing the web, and emailing friends, when you should have been working! You are fired!!”
The secretary had a choice; she could have said ‘I am sorry,’ but that would not have made a difference, since the boss was so angry at her already. Instead, she says to the boss “You are right! You have every reason to fire me. However, if you let me stay, I promise to change. I will improve my work habits this month. I will implement a filtering system on the computer which will prevent me from using Facebook and surfing the internet. I will ask people to stop by my desk periodically to ensure that I am doing my job.” Satisfied with his secretary’s new plan, the boss replied “fine- I will let you keep your job.”
We are like that secretary. Hashem gives us life in this world to fix what we need to fix, and to sanctify His name in the world. However, we mess up, and use life for purposes other than what Hashem wants of us. Then we come to Rosh Hashanah where we are called in to the Boss’s office. Now is not the time to ask for forgiveness. Now is a time to make resolutions, to take action, and to tell Hashem that we are going to be better people in the coming year, and here is our plan to make it happen. At a later point in time, it would be appropriate for the secretary to go back to the boss, and apologize for what she did wrong- which is what we do on Yom Kippur.
As we go into Rosh Hashanah, let us remember this lesson and make a plan and a resolution and promise our boss that this year will be a new year where we will be better people as we work together to sanctify the name of Hashem in this world with all of our actions.

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Reflecting on the Past Year

This week’s Parsha describes a terrible curse that will occur before Moshiach arrives if we do not fulfill Hashem’s will. It foretells a devastating destruction where the land will bear no fruit, and not even grass will grow. This is a phenomenon that is quite understandable in nuclear terms. The Torah may very well be alluding to Iran’s pursuit of a nuclear bomb to wreak havoc in the world.

The Torah compares this threat of destruction to Sedom. What is the connection between the devastating curse in this week’s parsha, and the destruction to Sedom?

The Satmar Rebbe Zatzal explains that when Avraham davened for Sedom, he was davening for the last generation (before Moshiach) as well to be safe from this threat. And thus, when Hashem agreed to Avraham’s plea that if there were ten Tzadikim in Sedom, he would not destroy the city, He was likewise agreeing for our generation that if there are ten special Tzadikim, He would spare us from this threat as well!

It is very frightening to note that many of our great Tzadikim have been niftar in the last couple years, and that the world seems to be like a tinderbox ready to explode into a world war at any moment. As we approach Rosh Hashana and reflect on all of the losses we have suffered this year, may we be inspired to pour out our hearts in tefilla for our remaining tzadikim, do all that we can to repent and improve our Midos, and have unity with all our brethren. In this merit, we will hopefully be spared from this horrific threat and greet Moshiach soon in our days.

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Hurricane Harvey & Tefillah

This week’s Parsha begins with the Mitzva of Bikurim [bringing the first fruits to the Beis Hamikdash], followed shortly afterwards by the terrible curses that occur if we Chas V’Shalom don’t fulfill Hashem’s Mitzvos. The close proximity of the curses to Mitzvas Bikurim in the Torah begs us to ask what is the connection between them.

The Medrash gives an analogy: There was a king who saved a girl who was being beaten by robbers. He rescued her, brought her to his palace, and married her. He wanted to have a loving relationship with her, but she refused to talk to him or even thank him for all that he did for her. So the king put her back into the dangerous environment amongst the robbers and then she started crying and pleading to be saved. That was exactly what the king was waiting to hear.

Similarly, Hashem saves us from our enemies and gives us land, peace, security, and comforts. And then we forget about Him and think that our peace and security is due to our own wisdom and strengths. So in order to wake us up, He brings about painful afflictions, like pogroms, crusades, holocausts, and ‘natural’ disasters like hurricanes, earthquakes, tornadoes and droughts.

Now we can understand the importance of the Mitzva of Bikurim. After entering Eretz Yisrael, we won our wars, settled our land with comfort and security, and are now harvesting our first crop of delicious and profitable fruit. The bringing of these first fruits to the Beis Hamikdash is our way of recognizing and admitting that all of our accomplishments are a gift from Hashem. It is our way of reminding ourselves not to fall prey to thoughts of ‘kochee viotzem yadee…,’ that it is our strength that grants us our success. Hence, when we don’t bring the Bikurim, we are are falling prey to the philosophy that ‘it is our strength that has enabled our success, and that we [chas vishalom] don’t need Hashem.’ Thus, what comes next are the terrible curses of the tochacha, that rip us away from our homeland and from our tranquility, to wake us up to remember that it’s NOT our military strength and wisdom that enables our success.

What about nowadays, when we don’t have the Beis Hamikdash and cannot bring Bikurim? How can we rectify this sin? How can we repent and show Hashem that we have realized the fallacy of these Hashkafos? The answer is Tefilah. We daven three times each day in place of the Mitzva of Bikurim, to recognize and acknowledge that all that we have is from Hashem. Yes we do our hishtadlus, but ultimately, it is our recognition that it’s all from Hashem that grants us our stability and tranquility. That is the purpose of Tefilla three times every day. Sometimes it inconveniences us in our busy work schedules, but perhaps the point is to wake us up and remind us that all our work is just a mere Hishtadlus. Although there are wicked people who are wealthy and there are righteous people who suffer, ultimately, it is this fundamental Hashkafa that will grant us serenity and true happiness.

The Avos, who established the three tefilos (shacharis, minchah, and ma’ariv) did not do so while in obvious danger or terrible times. On the contrary, they established davening during the relatively peaceful moments of their lives. This demonstrates to us that is this type of davening that is most important. When we are in trouble it’s very easy and obvious to daven, as ‘there are no atheists in a foxhole.’ The real challenge is when things are going just fine. Do we pride ourselves on our own talents, or do we have gratitude to Hashem and give credit where credit is due? As Rav Yerucham Levovitz says, ‘people think we have to daven when there is a crisis, and if there are no crises then we are okay. In truth, it’s just the opposite we have crises BECAUSE we aren’t davening properly.’

Let us all try to daven properly and sincerely, thanking Hashem when things are going well; before the next health issue comes up, before the next storm hits, before the next bomb blows up, before the next crisis occurs. In that way, we will do our share in rectifying the sin of not bringing the Bikurim [and of not keeping the Shmitah and Yovel years, which involve this same fallacy]. Instead of all the curses listed in this week’s Parsha, we will G-d willing merit all the wonderful blessings that come when we fulfill His wishes.

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The Early Rush to Teshuvah

The Pasuk in this week’s Parsha, Parshas Re’eh, says ‘Kee am kadosh atah la’Hashem Elokecha’ – “You are a holy nation to Hashem.” The Yalkut explains this pasuk to mean that, ‘lo sigrom li’am acher leeyos kadosh’- “Do not cause another nation to become holy.” What does this Yalkut mean?

The Divrei Sha’arei Chayim offers a beautiful interpretation of the Yalkut’s commentary. Our observance of the Torah and Mitzvos simultaneously makes us holy, as well as connects us with Hashem. If we sin, Hashem will send other nations to afflict us, thus causing Klal Yisroel to be moser nefesh [sacrifice/give up their lives], and in that way become Kedoshim (holy people).

Implementing the Divrei Sha’arei Chayim’s approach, we can better understand what the Pasuk and Yalkut are telling us: ‘Kee am kadosh atah LA’HASHEM ELOKECHA’, we should be kedoshim to Hashem directly, by adhering to the Torah and Mitzvos, and not go through a roundabout and sinful way to become kedoshim, by giving up our lives at the hands of the goyim!

The more efforts and energy we place into Hashem and His Torah, included with our sense of gratitude we have when things are going well [like here in America], the less Hashem will need to punish us to cleanse us from our impurities.

As my father writes in his ad, ‘The early rush for Teshuva starts now.’ There’s no reason to push off Teshuva until Erev Rosh Hashana [and certainly not until Na’eela on Yom Kippur].

Let us all try to work on our issues today and EVERY day of our lives. This will hopefully spare us from the many horrific tragedies that have befallen our people throughout history, and will be a merit for us to witness the final redemption, speedily in our days.
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